Journey of Healing in 2021

Happy New Year! I say this because my year only starts now so please, bare with me.

Recently, I lost my mom and even though we didn't have the closest relationship being told of her passing still felt like life was ripped out of me. My world literally shook and even though it's weeks after her funeral, I still literally struggle to catch my breath. At this point, I've lost both my parents and I noticed a distinct different between the two loses. Mind you, I'm 20 years older now then I was when my father died but I noticed that losing my father felt like I lost my surety, someone who validated my existence. However, losing my mother, felt more like losing a part of me, an identity I never knew I had in her. Years after losing my father, I'm still grieving but for my own progress and sanity, I've decided that this year will be my year of healing, complete and wholesome healing. 

I burned my arm a week after my mom's funeral and it was excruciatingly painful yet, I didn't scream but I just winced and said "My skin is peeling off." If you knew me, you'd know how extremely out of character that is for me. It's been 3 weeks and the wound has healed but my skin is still pink. However, I have started seeing brown dots indicating that my pigmentation is now returning. I believe that this was a revelation from God. He was showing me how my healing would take place. Firstly, it would come from a place of extreme pain and I will react in ways that are new to me, which I have. Then the pain will be covered by a huge scab that will still be painful to touch but more bearable, meaning acceptance. Lastly, complete healing will come by rebuilding myself from the inside out as I uncover new things about myself that I refused to see under the covering and direction of my parents.

Pain like this is mostly indescribable and very hard to accept and let go, especially under the circumstances in which my mother passed and how we were forced to conduct her funeral but in no time, you realise that time moves on. I am still breathing therefore, I still need to move forward towards that which God has called me to become and bring into this world. So, even now as I am finding my feet, seeing all the RIP posts of parents, I felt a need to share my experience and offer some encouragement. This shall not pass as we will never have our parents back but the pain will. Allow the process to take it's course and let go of any negative emotions and thoughts, i.e. anger, regret, resentment, etc. that you may still feel towards your parents or the situation. It only takes away from the beauty of who they were and who God created them to be in your life. So instead, celebrate the positive, i.e. love, laughter and support that you received and let that be the legacy that you carry on to your children and your children's children. 

Here's to another year.

Cheers. 🌸