I am a mom 💛
Today is my son’s 8th birthday and
I just recently started being okay with talking about his birth and my pregnancy
with him. It was the most trying time of my life. I lost 15kgs in the first 3
months of my pregnancy and on the day of his birth, my doctor didn’t show up
while the doctor on call didn’t even speak a single word to me. I, then, had to
undergo an emergency C-section only to realise breathing when he was born. All
of that had me traumatised for years and I only found out recently that it’s
called postnatal post-traumatic stress disorder (postnatal PTSD) and that it
takes quite a while to heal, hence I didn’t decide to have another child until
5 years later. It is a type of anxiety disorder that is also known birth trauma.
It is basically caused by any trauma that you experience through birthing but
should not be confused with post-natal depression (PND), even though PDN does
contribute to the trauma. A lot of people suffer from such disorders after
giving birth and unknowingly brush them off, only to have these emotions and
feelings manifest in another way, for example where parents abuse their
children, or they add on to everyday stresses and become unbearable to a point
of suicide.
If you experience any of the following after giving birth, please have yourself checked out by a GP who will be able to better advise you on a way forward.
- You keep replaying the birth in your mind and instead of it bringing you joy, it scares you.
- You experience physical pain or nausea after giving birth.
- You have nightmares.
- You find yourself crying due to sadness or distress when thinking or speaking about your experience.
- You experience any anxiety, unease or anger after giving birth.
- You constantly worry, unexplainably about the health or wellness of your child and your capabilities as a parent.
- You feel like you are helpless or blame yourself for what happened.
- If you avoid speaking or feeling anything in relation to the birth.
There are many more symptoms, but just be
aware of your emotions and actions in connection to the birth.
The good news is that you can recover from
this. It doesn’t have to take years as it did with me. I never sought help
because I didn’t know what I was dealing with, but you can. A few ways that can
help you overcome this is by:
Talking about your ordeal.
- Speak to someone you trust and who will understand. Not everyone will be able to understand what you’re saying or even know how to help you, so please be careful who you speak to.
- Speak to someone who was present during the time when you were giving birth, that will give you more clarity.
- Speak to someone who has given birth as they may have also gone through a similar experience or they may know someone who has.
- Speak to a professional, a GP or psychologist who will correctly diagnose and help you treat this disorder.
Do
not judge or blame yourself. Rather be gentle with
yourself. You just birthed a life into this earth and your life has changed so
take it one moment at a time.
Ask
for practical support. Have someone who will be
around you and the baby to help you with anything that you will need to ensure
that the baby and yourself are safe and well.
Give yourself time. If you notice any triggers or other stressors in your life, try to avoid them until you’re strong enough to face them.
Another thing to note is that your baby may also be affected by this trauma as it may have physically challenged them and that might be the reason why they cry a lot when they are younger. Some other beliefs instilled by our families may contribute to the traumas that we experience with having a baby. I found it much easier, still traumatic to some point, giving birth and taking care of my second born because I took charge. Whereas, with my first born I let everyone else have an opinion in how I took care of him and the lack of control made me anxious.
Please keep in mind that I can only share
from my experiences and not as a medical professional. My aim is to bring
awareness to such topics, so that you may be aware and sought out help where
necessary.
.jpg)
Having a supportive partner during this is the most crucial thing ever. Not only should he be the cushion you need but also be the most present parent ever.
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine going through both births without my husband. A partner's support and presence through the whole experience is very crucial.
DeleteThank you Nkanyiso.
Thank for this interesting topic, as a fathers and husbands we are often lacking in awareness of these conditions. It helps to better understand and continue learning.
ReplyDeleteRegards
Thoriso L
I am so grateful to see the fathers and husbands responding so positively. I was honestly skeptical about sharing this with the men in my timeline but I truly appreciate your responses.
DeleteThank you Thoriso.
I can relate to some experiences and family support in my experience has helped a lot since in my case I was the first in my siblings to experience cesarean section birth, that was traumatic enough and talking about the experience with experienced mommies helps too.
ReplyDeleteThank you mommy.
P
It's great to have family support especially during such a time that can be confusing and devastating. We thank God for family.
DeleteThank you P.
I can safely say my second birth was not the easiest, actually my whole pregnancy, i was going through so much, all aspects of my life were so hectic, fears of having another miscarriage crossed my mind, the what ifs, the only thing that kept me going is my mother. The support she gave me i can never thank her enough, even 4 years later i still say thank you. She kept me sane.
ReplyDeleteMiscarriages are the worst to deal with. The blame and confusing, trying to figure things out. A good supportive, person is amazing to have.
DeleteThank you Anonymous.
That's why i left the school to look after my wife i don't regret doing so.
ReplyDeleteAmazing. It's really important to have support.
DeleteThank you Mthokozisi.