My struggle with anxiety

Like most things in life, panic or anxiety attacks have signs and symptoms that warn you of its appearance. You can either listen and treat the symptoms before they become a problem or ignore them until you’re on the ground battling to breath. I’ve battle with anxiety attacks since my matric year. I was diagnosed by a doctor and given medication for it. Recently, I experienced an attack in a grocery store, after a year of not having them. By God’s grace, I was with my husband and he talked me down, calming me down without even knowing the cause. I had been experiencing symptoms for almost 3 weeks but I ignored them and just kept going and then BOOM, my chest was tightening and my throat was closing in. But, I was dealing with the symptoms or so I thought as I was exercising, well more than usual. I was expressing my feelings only 2 days before the attack and making sure not to take on any stressful responsibilities. And it still happened.

What are the symptoms? In my case, I experienced the following:

1. Tight neck and jaw, as I grind my teeth when I’m stressed and that causes chronic headaches.
2. I was overly sensitive and emotional. I either got angry easily or cried a lot.
3. I cared less and less about my duties, whether at work or at home.
4.  I struggled to find positive thoughts and to read the Word (Bible).
5. Exercising was harder to do than usual.
6. Getting up in the morning was getting more and more difficult to do each day.
7. I got lost in tons of movies and books.
8.  I was detached and I withdrew from my family.
9. I spend most times either on my own or being overly social
10. I felt justified in treating those closest to me wrongly.

When the attack happened, it stopped me dead in the wine section of the grocery store. I then told my husband what I was experiencing and that was:

•       A tight chest and throat.
•      Back and chest pains.
•      Difficulty breathing.
•      Getting extra hot.
•      Difficult staying on my feet.
•      Feeling light-headed.

Then my husband tried to calm me down by making jokes so as to distract my mind from thinking that something was wrong or that I was in danger. He also told me to stop, as I was still trying to walk around like nothing was wrong, and to actively breath. In my mind, I told myself that I was not in danger and that no matter what was making me panic, I was not dying. That I could face it. Also, I thought of happy thoughts, like good things that happened to me during that day.

Later on, while I was crying my eyes out because I felt weak and defeated yet again by this illness, my husband reminded of all that I had accomplished. Like David in the Bible, he reminded me of the lion and the bear that I had faced. Sometimes, you need to remind yourself of all that you have gone through and have survived. Remind yourself of all that you are still going to accomplish. Nothing beats history. What you cannot change right now, believe that God can and He will change it and make it work in your favour. Stay strong. Celebrate having survived that attack and gear yourself up to get back to being the best you can be despite the challenges. 

You may find it hard to speak about what is stressing you or what overwhelmed you to that point, right after the attack and that’s okay. Take your time and deal with your thoughts but once you’re comfortable, find someone that you trust, your safe space and share your load with them. Sharing your burdens with someone who is on your side, who will not judge you or force you to do things that only add on to the panic really helps. No matter what has gotten you to the point of anxiety, you will overcome and you will succeed.

Days after the attack, I took time out to recover physically, as my body did have some side effects from the attack. They will include fatigue, muscle tension in your neck, and soreness around your chest. Also, take time to deal with how you feel and to emotionally distance yourself from what’s stressing you, as a second attack is bound to follow if you don’t. Don’t run away from your problem but take time out, like a boxer, to recover and recuperate before getting back into the ring. 

As Mapaseka Koetle says, “Bophelo ke ntwa, lwana ngwana ko gae.” Loosely translated – Life is a fight. So, fight, my sibling. LOL (Sekgowa!)

P.S. make sure to get medical help should you experience an attack or any of the symptoms that lead to panic/anxiety attacks. For more information and assistance please visit http://www.sadag.org/.

Cheers.