For New Moms

As a new mom, you’ve probably been through the most traumatic event of your life as birthing can be quite daunting, especially if everything goes against your birthing plan and everything you’re researched and prepared for. So, to help all the moms-to-be and new moms out there I spoke to 3 mom friends of mine who have recently had new-born babies, all of them were second born babies and they were gracious enough to take time away from their bundles of joy to answer the following questions:

1. What do you wish you knew about having a second baby?

- Mom 1

I've been trying to think about what I didn't know prior to falling pregnant. But, I think I knew that life was going to change drastically. Especially, because I was planning to stay with my second baby. My first baby stays with his grandmother and that gave me the freedom to do everything and anything I wanted. I also knew that chances of me being sick during pregnancy were high, because with my first one, I had pre-eclampsia. But, I guess I didn't know that I would enjoy my pregnancy. My sister made my life really easy.

- Mom 2

The same way pregnancy experiences differ, so do children. There’s no textbook for motherhood. I thought I knew everything about having a small baby, but I was wrong.

- Mom 3

Well, my children don't share the same father. I wish I knew how this would impact my side of the family, my parents, in particular. My parents created a division between my children even before my little one was born. They keep telling me to give my entire estate/assets to my 1st born since she is fatherless. They say that the little one has her father; therefore, I shouldn't leave anything for her. They don't understand that these are both my children and I love them equally, and I believe that my love should be reflected even when I am no more. Another thing, I've always known that each child is different, but I do not understand it. The first child was a very fussy baby and I was so prepared for this one to be fussy like her sister, but she's so chilled. I guess I was overprepared.

E: It is very true that each child is unique and what you’ve learned with your first will not necessarily work with your second child. Family support and advice is quite important but if it goes against your beliefs, I find it best not to involve them, as it will only add stress into your life.

 

2. How has your self-image been affected now and how is it different from your first pregnancy?

- Mom 1

I still have baby fat and am struggling to lose the weight. For a long time, I refused to take pictures because I felt very uncomfortable. I was also uncomfortable with the clothes that I wore, especially jeans. After my first pregnancy, I was ok with my body. I had gained weight, but I loved the bit of weight that I gained.

- Mom 2

I actually had a better experience as far as weight gain during pregnancy but wow post-partum isn’t kind to me and shedding the fat, especially the tummy, has been much harder than my first pregnancy. My skin was terrible as well, but is slowly recovering without any effort from my side.

E: I had actually lost 14kgs in the first trimester of my first pregnancy and didn’t gain it all back throughout the rest of the pregnancy. So, I looked great after my first pregnancy. With this pregnancy, I didn’t lose or gain any weight but post-partum my tummy is not shrinking. To be honest, I haven’t really worked out. So, don’t be hard on yourself as your body is older and will take longer to recover.

 

3. What was your biggest fear during your first pregnancy and has it changed with your second?

- Mom1 

My biggest fear in my first pregnancy was whether I would be a good mother to my son. Would I raise a good boy/man that is loving, respectful and kind? How would we co-parent? What would be the effect of co-parenting? Would we be on the same page of parenting? I had lots of fears and worries during my first pregnancy. With my second pregnancy, I was worried about pre-eclampsia. I was told that it might get worse in my second pregnancy. I feared dying while giving birth. My second fear was being able to financially take care of all the baby's needs because, once again, I found myself being a single mother.

- Mom 2 

I have anxiety disorders, so I have always feared having a miscarriage or pre-term labor due to stress or something like that in both pregnancies.

- Mom 3

My biggest fear was the possibility of having a miscarriage or a still birth. The thought of it made me so tense that I deprived myself of enjoying my pregnancy. The second time around, I was freer. I took care of myself and worried less about things that were out of my control.

E: With my first born, I didn’t really have fears during the pregnancy but after my baby was born, I obsessed with how he slept, always making sure that he was breathing at all hours of the day and night. With my second born, I took each day as it came. If I had control over it, I did something about it, if not, I prayed and consulted a professional.

4. What are your top 5 products for yourself and your new born?

- Mom 1

For mom: stretch mark cream, 5 oils for stretch marks and pregnancy vitamins.

For baby: Huggies nappies, Purity food, Nan HA, Gripe water and EpiMax products.

- Mom 2

For mom: Natura Alfalfa Tonic - Helps with steady milk supply.

For baby: Flo Baby nasal, Buscopan Antispasmodic Syrup, Eucerin Aquaphor Balm, Epizone E baby and Kids Ointment, Lansinoh Nipple ointment.

- Mom 3

For baby: Top to toe wash, Aqueous cream, Epimax, Lamaze toys, Babygrows.

E: For baby, I suggest a good body lotion. My kids only respond well to Vaseline Blue Seal. The pediatrician has recommended many products, but they only gave my kids rashes. I also used S26 gold formula for their sensitive tummies to avoid too many colic issues, but if you do find that they still struggle with a little colic then Telament Colic drops worked for me. And lastly, a good nappy. My kids have only responded to Pamper’s Premium nappies, the rest give them rash.

For mom: Good medical aid cover and a co-sleeper. For the first few months, it will be best for you to have easy access to the baby while you heal.

 

Lastly, what advice would you give to someone thinking of having a baby?

- Mom1 

When I found out I was pregnant, I knew that I wasn't ready. Baby daddy left, and I did it alone. Our method of prevention was a condom, but I still got pregnant. So, if you are planning to have a baby, there is never good timing. God's timing is perfect, and He will always make a way. Never fear the unknown and take it one step/day at a time.

- Mom2 

Baby deserves a healthy and happy mommy! Once you actually have a baby, don’t forget yourself. It’s so easy to get caught up in being a super mom that you end up forgetting that there was you before the baby, so make time for yourself ,and be VERY kind and patient with yourself. Motherhood is overwhelming at times.

- Mom 3

Get gap cover if you have medical aid. There are too many co-payments that creep up for the birth and gap cover is crucial.

 

Motherhood is really a treasure. When you see their smile, their first steps and hear their first words. But, not all of us get to experience that with our kids due to circumstances. At the end of the day, kids want a healthy and happy parent who loves and cares for them, the rest is a bonus. When you love and care for your child, you will do all you can to make sure that they are healthy and happy. There is really no blueprint on how to raise kids, just guidelines, so use what works for you and pray for the rest. 

 

Cheers.