White Privilege - Male Privilege

Yesterday, my friends and I hosted one of our good friend's birthday at a prominent restaurant to celebrate her life and show her some love. It was an awesome time. But, during our celebration a man came over and did something we found very strange and very intrusive, especially during this time of Covid. We all told him off and he was very nonchalant about. Whereas, we were very uncomfortable and quite frankly pissed off by his actions. Mind you, this is the first time in a year that I've been out with my friends, away from mommy hood and wife hood. So, I was anxiously looking forward to it but that's a story for another post. After reading all about GBV and some of the seemingly random rapes and killings of women, I started taking account of my surroundings. I realised that it was closing time, most of the restaurant staff had left and most of the customers were men. Naturally, there were some who hit on my friends and some who just stared from a distance. True to our nature as women and how we've trained ourselves, we went in groups to the bathroom and waited for each other but still, you had that one guy who would come over and start chatting one of us up. Later that evening, it was time for the place to close and I was the first one to leave. My husband came to pick me up and I had to walk  to the gate of the shopping complex as the place was closed out. Walking there I noticed how frighteningly quiet it was, compared to the inside of the restaurant. I began to slightly panic, I walked faster and was very vigilant of my surroundings. The car guard spoke to me while I kept my head down, he directed me to take the shorter route and I saw how dark it was and started walking faster. While going down the stairs I crossed paths with the security guard and felt uneasy while passing him by. I then saw the car and basically ran to it, opened the door and jumped in. 

My story may not be as scary as it felt in the moment but it really opened my eyes to the possibility of what could've been and that kept me up during the night. To feel that helpless and scared while not really being in danger but just realising how easily things could've turned. I really wish that men could understand the impression that they make. It's similar to the impression some races make to me. They act superior and more powerful but their power is either not used to better the situation of others at all or they use their power to undermine and mistreat others. Please note, not everyone is like that and we appreciate those, whether racially or gender based, who stand up and fight for what's right.But to those who have power as someone they know gets beaten or raped, or those that witness unfair treatment due to race, you are witnessing it for a reason. Take action. I've unfortunately also known of people who were being abused in their relationships and I felt helpless because until someone is ready to receive your help, there's nothing you can do but wait and pray that it doesn't end in death. 

I'm raising two black kings who will are growing up witnessing marches on black lives matter, men are trash and gender-based violence, with my oldest already asking question and voicing his opinion on those matters. It s very difficult trying to help him assume his identity as a future black man when that image has been tainted so much and declared as trash. I am grateful for the positive examples of men that he has in his life and those that are stepping up publicly in society to change that image, as it really can shape him to either live up to the notion that men really are trash or inspire him to join those who are cultivating and carving out a new and better image for men, especially black men. That is how I assume control over something that has attempted to leave me helpless and hopeless.

Whatever your view or standpoint is on this matter is, I pray that you may choose to take a standpoint that not only helps girls and women in this day and age but also motivates men and young boys to stand with us and take action towards a better future for us all.

Cheers.