Fantasy vs. Reality – What do I want in a man?

Often, we enter into a relationship with a long list of must haves and the "don’t even think about it list", and most times than not, we end up living happily ever after (I love fairy tales, just so you know...) with a completely different person than we thought we would. This can be bad as well, but I like the good side of it. I’ve asked a lot of my friends and colleagues as to who they ended up marrying and most of them said they found completely new things to admire in their husbands/wives that melted their hearts and whisked them off to the sunset. Most of the lists that I got were the typical tall, dark, handsome, reserved and a romantic guy with a sense of humour, and for the guys the main things were beauty with brains and must be kind-hearted.


So then, I ask the question what is love?  Is it a list of things that would make you see someone in a specific light? Is it what you get or give in a relationship? There isn’t a guidebook on love that we can all go through and say this is the perfect definition of love. There are books on love and its languages but some people find that those books don’t work for them. So that leads me to the conclusion that love is a choice. A decision you make to commit to spending the rest of your life with someone and to be there for them, no matter what life throws at you, after knowing them for a certain period of time (this time-frame differs from person to person). Now, love can be confused with a whole lot of things that end up leaving you hurt and distraught, but if done correctly, love can help you heal from all your wounds and live a fulfilling life.

When you choose to love someone and to live with them for the rest of your life, flaws and all, things can get a bit comfortable and laziness creeps in. So…. How do you keep the interest going in your relationship? Some people travel a lot, have consistent date nights and others play little fun games, all in an effort to remind themselves of the reason why they fell for each other in the first place and also to forget, but for a moment, of the struggles and issues of life that weigh down the relationship.

I’d love to hear your ideas of how you keep the spark in your relationship. You can comment anonymously.


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Cheers!  




Comments

  1. Dineo Mokgehle5 February 2019 at 07:12

    Great read as always sesi Mapula.

    Well, one of my favourite topics on the blog but also one of my favourite topics in life. Love is such a beautiful thing. I think it's easier when you have found the one person you are willing to travel this journey with as compared to those of us who are still searching(for lack of a better word). Anyway as I grow, I have found myself to let go of the lists, your tall, dark and handsome as you stated and rather focus on a kind heart, relatability, compatability and compassion. Throughout life I have come to understand that there are traits in my friends that I would really like to have in a partner(significant other) such as caring and sharing. Compromise also becomes an increasingly important trait in a relationship from both parties.

    Having said that. There are absolutely great things I lobe about love, like supporting each other, sharing meals(does not even have to be from a restaurant), going on trips and vacations and simply having someone to ask you how was your day. Another important aspect I almost forgot is that you pray about one another and pray for each other. There I have seen God answer prayers.

    Happy month of love my dear sister.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Epiphanies Of Life5 February 2019 at 23:13

      Happy love month Dineo.

      Thank you for your contribution and yes, praying with each other and for each other really work miracle because when two agree there's not much that can deter them.

      Kind regards,
      Mapula V.

      Delete
  2. Phindi5 February 2019 at 07:17

    Maps what is Love? I’m thinking to myself what is this we call love, I agree with you when you say love is a choice, look love is an emotion that can’t be explained easily, it’s a seed to growing emotions, you first ‘decide’ to like someone that now leads to ‘loving’ the person and then while on it you decide ‘because I love the person I will do/not do this’ all in the name of choosing,

    Well for me communicating things through and spending quality time alone with your partner helps,

    ReplyDelete
  3. Epiphanies Of Life5 February 2019 at 23:25

    Hi Phindile,

    I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Quality time is imperative and very important for the health of a relationship.

    Well put.

    Kind regards,
    Mapula V.

    ReplyDelete
  4. beautymokhudus9 February 2019 at 02:44

    Maybe remembering the "why's" is just as important.why you gave the person a chance, why you love them, do the little things you know they melt your partner's heart, have simple date nights or moments, go for a movie, leave beautiful sticky notes on their side table to make their morning, compliments them when they do good or when they dress well...I guess making effort goes a long way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mapula10 February 2019 at 12:16

      Hi Beauty,

      These are great ideas. I love what you wrote about remembering why you fell in love in the first place. What made this person worth choosing and keeping, above all the rest. That is quite important and making the effort. I completely agree.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

      Kind regards,
      Mapula V.

      Delete

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